What you've missed out on:

• Insane hours logged at work both in-office and working from home
• minor dramas, but nothing that i actually cared about enough to think about longer than a day or 2
• egotistical asshole DJ who turned down a paying gig because he has reservations about working with me (nothing I lost sleep over)
• launching my BRICK AND MORTAR clothing boutique in Northampton. Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it, HATERS!
• getting married in mid September.
• cutting still more people out of my life, and happy that my best friend finally did the same.
• needing to work out like it's my job in about 9 months.....
• planning.

IF you would like me to elaborate on any of these, talk to me elsewhere.

I am greatful to have Elias. If it were not for him I would be 100% pissed off right now,but instead I am only 50%. Haha.

When did the heavens decide that I was not good enough to be girlfriend material? I've not been openly seeking a relationship, and for a while I didn't *want* one at all. Why is it that it repeatedly gets thrown in my face that this girl, and that girl fills that spot much better, but oh, "you're much better in bed" or 'you seem like you're a total freak, can you be the girl on the side?' (NO!) YES, I'm aware that I am a sexual person. I also have feelings and a very big heart and apparently because of that I get shit on and taken advantage of all the time.

Not that this following example is the only one, but its the one I'm most comfortable expressing. Its also the most recent.

Today, I was making plans for one of my online friends to come visit me. He and I have been friends online for about 8 years, have seen eachother (completely platonic also) through divorce (his) a broken engagement (also his) and various breakups (mine) AS FRIENDS. Nothing more. We had pretty much locked in a date for his arrival and decided where he would stay, when he says "I'm visiting a friend that lives about 3 hours from you some time around new years, after that I won't be single anymore, so we should have our visit sooner so that I won't be cheating"

EXCUSE ME?

Yeah, I cancelled that visit, and furthermore I blocked him. Yet again, I am treated like nothing but a piece of ass. I have had it with being nice to people who look at me as disposable.

After my last break-up, I met someone that I really started to like, a lot. I didn't think that was possible, but it happened. We spent the first half of 07 as a couple in every sense of the word, only there was no "commitment". (We were exclusive but didn't have to be)... out of the blue I am out 1 best friend and they are not only living together, but committed and dating.

"You aren't girlfriend material.''

Hmmm.
Sorry for venting but...wait, no this is MY journal, and like the headline says, don't like what you see: close your eyes! Its not like anyone (except tyler, who rocks! hahahaha) reads this anyway.... so I will apologize only to him.


What is so wrong with me?

I am just sick of getting my feelings hurt, I guess

I love my son! He is soooo perfect!

:-(

Hmmm... its a boy...

Elias


Xoxo Amber

I'm so confused about things lately. Certain situations went from being one way, to almost non existant. I really like communication, and even one of my best friends is lacking in that department.

Blah

My cat Lily.... the firey thing that she is. I have come to start calling her Audi, or (affectionately, of course) "the demise of amber's new car."

Little miss Lily, she broke her pelvis either in a fall, or by being hit by a car. Which, we are unsure of, but not only did it break, it splintered. The initial vet clinic bill-- the emergency 24 hour hospital Boston Rd. Animal Hospital, 2,000.00 a fucking rip off... more on this one later

After they refuse to do the surgery that Lily needs, and suggest we put her down, we kindly tell them where to go, and furthermore where to stick it, and bring kitty to Tufts Vet Clinic...yeah...an hour and a half away... they RE-DO the tests that Boston rd did, and fucked up, (another 2,000.00 initial intake) and then agree that surgery is a good option, that she'll pull through. Well..... 8,568.00 later Lily is home and in her cage (which is big enough for a large lab puppy) where she has to live for 6-8 weeks. (And she's already walking!)

I love it! hehe.

this week has been such a good one! (a few downs, but that's just natural when your allergies are as bad as mine...:-P) My car will be back on the road by Friday at the latest (thank GOD!!!!!) and let me just tell you, I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT! My grandparents are amazing! as much as we bicker, and as little as they remember of our conversations, they always find ways to kick as much ass as possible.

I was randomly introduced to a team of paranormal investigators, and I've been invited to join their team- anyone that has known me for more than a few years knows that i'm VERY into the super natural and ANYTHING to do with it. If all goes according to plan, I'll be an official member soon-- the kicker on this one is apparently they're starting with a small mini-pilot series for next year...so I might be on TV Ghost Hunters style.(props to my dear friend Steve who's done nothing but fuel this passion since '98 hah)

aside from that, I've found consistently good company in a new friend/ old acquaintance, mostly via conversation. What little time we spend together has been most enjoyable. I got to go exploring in the woods and scale a high thing...(heights scare the shit out of me- why i'm a roller coaster junkie is SO beyond me) but yes. it's been great. (:-P)


for some reason, this week has been a kick in the gut about my movies being stolen-- my favorite actor (a tough one to call, actually) keeps popping up on random TV spots, and now all i want to do is watch the cheesy horror movies he's been in! 
yeah, Julian Sands. haha The Warlock! LOVE LOVE LOVE him!  Johnathan Rhys Meyers too-- I've fallen wayyyy behind on the tudors, and damn, this week he's been everywhere!

*sigh* my apologies for this oh so random post. I'm a little beat. today marks visit 2 to Six Flags this season and today was all water park, except me dragging my friends to the Hall Of Justice where they got photo ops with Robin who TOTALLY hit on me LOL i'd say i got some decent color. went on some crazy slides despite my icky feelings last night. (over exhaustion coupled with seemingly not the best food)

Was really great. Thanks to...all involved

Thank you for making sleep easy and dreams sweet!

You're awesome.
Amberlea

I really wish people would be more upfront and honest with me. I'm sick of fake people and I'm sick of finding out that people lie to me just to protect my feelings. Not only is it ANNOYING it doesn't help. When I learn the actual truth, its even worse. So fuck all the fake people in my life!

why must i always find the ones i can not have HAHAH

To clarify, if you need to ask, no.... those 2 posts aren't about you. Unless you're you can't read this journal

I know a large group of people that know that you aquired that name for a reason...because you are a fucking psychic cunt. Rest assured next time we meet there will not be a reason to stop me. If YOU want questions answered, you come to ME. Oh, and btw.... Money had nothing to do with me staying here. YOU were the reason.

Everything in my life that i want fixed is finally fixable, and if it means I've developed a slew of people that hate that i've changed FOR THE BETTER c'est la vie! I will say this though, if you want to give people one sided details, leave MY name the fuck out of it,
public forum- I.E please don't write things about me in your journal that may offend me if i can read it. I understand that it's YOUR journal, but seriously! have some fucking TACT! i could respond by posting my side of the story, but I'm not IMMATURE! . kthx!

On another note, I've made some new friends out of old acquaintances and I'm diggin' it!
2 to be exact... very cool people! makes me sad that i didn't get my shit together sooner and befriend them earlier in life! (ah well, everything magical happens for a reason!)


sorry all. I'm exhausted and unable to sleep! *grrrr*

Good luck today Mr. H! you deserve to come out on top!


XoX Amberlea-X over -n- out

I'm all kinds of.... bothered...in the....hot kinda sense.

I guess you could say its been a while now and shit. I'm proud of myself because not only have I gotten offers, I have gotten a lot of offers! -sorry I may be in a fucked up dry spell, but I am NOT desperate!


Sad thing is.... I always want what I can't have. :-/


XoX over -n- out
Amberlea-X

Perverted Alphabet via AIM
Kristan Lee: A is for asshole
babygoth77: B is for blow job
Kristan Lee: C is for cunty whore
babygoth77: D is for dickhead
Kristan Lee: E is for erection
babygoth77: F is for fuuuuuucking
Kristan Lee: G is for girl on girl hardcore action
babygoth77: H is for hot sex
Kristan Lee: I is for intelligent blow jobs aka brains
babygoth77: J is for Jerkin' off cuz ya aint gettin none
Kristan Lee: K is for kristans hot assssssssssss in the showe
Kristan Lee: R
babygoth77: L is for licking it like its his JOB
Kristan Lee: m is for making gay love
babygoth77: N is for not just an exit anymore
Kristan Lee: O is for opening legs whenever u can
babygoth77: P is for pussy meets penis action
Kristan Lee: Q is for quickie in a public restroom
babygoth77: R is for reverse cowgirl on top of the parking garage
Kristan Lee: S is for sex, sluts and suts *shot out to mike* (the suts thing. Love ya mike johnson of oregon!) haha
babygoth77: T is for taking it all...cuz ya know its no fun if ya don't!
Kristan Lee: U is for unprotected sex, kids don't try this at home
babygoth77: V is for vaginal orgasms, which most men just can't seem to make happen!
Kristan Lee: W is for wangs, slang for what haangs
babygoth77: X is for x rated porno style hot hot hot sex
Kristan Lee: y is for yelling "im coming!!!!!, im coming!!!!!'
babygoth77: Z is for zzzzzzzzzzz post sex pass out!

And then my lack of nookie one

babygoth77: A is for anal beads
Kristan Lee: B is for bend over and take it like a man
babygoth77: C is for can't get it up!
Kristan Lee: D is for dildo cuz sometimes they work better
babygoth77: E is for eat me, or you get none!
Kristan Lee: F is for fighting and then making up
babygoth77: G is for giving the best head they ever received (my specialty)
Kristan Lee: H is for humping like rabits
babygoth77: I is "if I don't get laid like NOW I'm gonna fucking die!"
Kristan Lee: J is for jumping ambers bones...someone....anyone...??
babygoth77: K is for Kristan is my wingman...
Kristan Lee: L is for loving ur bestfriend even tho she's a sexually fustrated mess
babygoth77: M is for many have tried.... few have gotten the privelage (cuz I'm a picky sexually frustrated mess!)
Kristan Lee: N is for never cock blocking amber.....again
babygoth77: O is for orgasmic attention would be fucking fantastic
Kristan Lee: P is for pimping my bitch out
babygoth77: Q is for que? No mami... not into pete... or ben.
Kristan Lee: R is for really needing a man
babygoth77: S is for sexual partner....not a man...
babygoth77: (Well... male, but not a boyfriend)
Kristan Lee: T is for titi's...amber u like them better instead?
babygoth77: U is for U must be CRAZY! I like boys boys boys boys, boys I do adore! (Men...)
Kristan Lee: V is for amber not loving vagina
babygoth77: W is for woe is me and my nookieless self
Kristan Lee: X is for x rated movies the closet thing ambers been to sex for a long long time
babygoth77: Y is for y can't I just do the dude I wanna do?
Kristan Lee: Z is for zero what amber gets, that's the end

Well, okay. I am but I guess what I mean is... am I looking for a scenario that is just too difficult for someone to grasp? I am a walking contradiction, yes. I admit it. I've said it in the past. I'm outgoing, yet shy. Its all circumstantial. I'm a person with emotions and nothing is ever cut and dry. In situations where I am put in a room where I know 1 or 2 people, and its a crowded room, I am shy. If I know most of them I am the life of the party.

I guess, no, I know I've been pretty lonely these days. Its been a good while since I've been in a relationship, and its been a while since I've...y'know. Hahahaha. Here comes my contradicting nature once again. I want more than sex, but I am not ready to commit to anyone just yet.... I dunno. Maybe its just that I'm sick of everyone (in the dating option world). Anyone? Give this girl some advice!

Lately things have been a little more difficult given my stupid car situation (hell yeah, a few more weeks!), but I'm pretty happy with the way things are going lately.
 I still miss that silly boy once in a while, but I feel like I'm finally (FINALLY!!!) in a place where i can move on. I've had a few crushes, but i'm never ballsy enough to tell anyone..especially right now..hahahaha! Plus, i'm so busy with getting everything with the business set, i don't know how i would even make time!though i'd certainly try! my sleep schedule doesn't help at all though. (awake for 72, asleep for 6)
i guess you could say my life has it's little kinks here and there, but things are absolutely going well for me. (happy bad karma to all of the fake haters that stabbed me in the back!)

I'd like to end this post with a few messages.

HELSINKI, DUBLIN, MILAN! see you in December! (or bust!)

Happy whiskey tango livin' to KP & AS. may you 2 have a long happy, stinky from work life. hahhaha

certain someone: stop being all frickin' cute! it's hard for me to say anything!

And finally, but most importantly-

Rest In ETERNAL peace Stef Debuc. you were far too young to go. <3

This is my new journal. I started this as a forum to speak my mind. If you care to read it, let me know. Tell me what you think, even! but, any negative feedback *that isn't constructive* will be deleted. I'm not into drama, so leave that shit at the door!